Ozzy's cage is now sparkling but there is a problem. It seems that if you put vast quantities of sawdust down a toilet, the toilet stops working.

If I don't get a girlfriend soon (number one on the list) I may have to resort to drastic measures like surgery (me) or hypnosis (them).

You'll be alright," I say, "Mum likes you.

It's hot in here but that's just you, Michelle, for when I see you it's like the sun comes out in my head. You are the reason for global warming but in a good way.